Not Like Dan

 

11 Ways I Am Not Like Dan Halen

1.  I never hid facts about my possessions: No one ever asked me if my bone chess set was made of HUMAN bone or not.

2.  I have always been extremely generous. The fact its with other people’s money is irrelevant,

3.  I have never tried to cover up or conceal my age -  I do however find it offensive that no one ever considers is might be ANOTHER Maalac that signed Dan’s Yearbook.

4.  I do not constantly run around nude – Those charges were dismissed.

5.  Unlike Dan I have a large amount of  “junk”. My endowment is…ok you got me on that one we are just alike in this one way.

6.  I do not belittle or mock my fellow man. That I do not feel completely deserve it

7.  I do not attempt to play God or pervert the laws of nature for profit. It is strictly for entertainment purposes with me.

8.  Unlike Dan,  I have never harmed an animal. I am SURE there is an animal I have not harmed out there (just waiting to be discovered). That Dan has.

9.  I have never owned a slave. All of mine are temps.

10. I do not have a sinister laugh. Mine is more a laugh of malevolence.

11. I do not have a field of sheriff clones. I think the common man’s vernacular for mine is “kitty” or something like that I don’t keep up with the utterances you consider to be words that come out of those chitlin-smeared armpits that you call mouths..