11 Ways I Am Not Like Dan Halen
1. I never hid facts about my possessions: No one ever asked me
if my bone chess set was made of HUMAN bone or not.
2. I have always been extremely generous. The fact its with
other people’s money is irrelevant,
3. I have never tried to cover up or conceal my age - I do however find it offensive that no one
ever considers is might be ANOTHER Maalac that signed Dan’s Yearbook.
4. I do not constantly run around nude – Those charges were
dismissed.
5. Unlike Dan I have a large amount of “junk”. My endowment is…ok you got me on that
one we are just alike in this one way.
6. I do not belittle or mock my fellow man. That I do not feel
completely deserve it
7. I do not attempt to play God or pervert the laws of nature
for profit. It is strictly for entertainment purposes with me.
8. Unlike Dan, I have never harmed an animal. I am SURE there is
an animal I have not harmed out there (just waiting to be discovered). That Dan has.
9. I have never owned a slave. All of mine are temps.
10. I do not have a sinister laugh. Mine is more a laugh of
malevolence.
11. I do not have a field of sheriff clones. I think the common
man’s vernacular for mine is “kitty” or something like that I don’t keep up
with the utterances you consider to be words that come out of those chitlin-smeared armpits that you call mouths..
